Anger and Fresh Starts

Chelsea's face says everything about the kind of day we had with each other yesterday....

{minus the beach and wet body...we were at home...it's just the only made face picture I could find}

I didn't handle it well...her inattention to my words which led to unintentional disobedience...

then the intentional disobedience for being mad at me for yelling at her for disobeying and not listening...

her complaining about just about everything in our life--things we can do nothing to change....

her anger stirred up my anger and her heart was hurt because I was angry at her....it wasn't pretty.

I wasn't the kind of mom I am called to be...but it was real...me in the flesh...me losing my temper.

Externally, I was angry with her, but internally I was angry at myself.  In my heart, I became overly-critical.....Satan's words started teasing me..."I am not a good mom"..."I shouldn't be homeschooling"..."I am a horrible picture-taker"..."I should stop designing"....."I am horrible at all this".....and the list goes on.

However, praise God that His words of truth are stored in my heart, because His words of truth were able to shed light on the darkness that had settled around me.

I went to my room, shut the door, and layed on my bed quietly for 5 minutes...a time out of sorts.  Then I opened one of the books on my nightstand:

I chose Creative Correction, because it has a toolbox of verses that are applicable to just about every situation you encounter as a mom.

I read the verses and I was immediately convicted.  

Proverbs 29:11

"A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control."

James 1:19-20

Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry, for man's anger does not bring about the righteousness that God desires."

I so have an anger problem, as hard as it is for me to acknowledge that on here, it's the truth and it needs to be said.  

Sometimes I am patient and calm, gentle and loving...and other times?  

Not so much.

I hate that my family gets the sharp end of the stick with me sometimes....my tongue that's "sharper than a double-edges sword".

Ouch.

I called Chelsea in, and we had a loooong talk. 

A GOOD talk.  A spiritual one.

We confessed our sins to each other and asked for forgiveness...we forgave each other...we hugged and cried a little.  

She has been complaining a lot about our doctor appointments...her heart reflects much bitterness so we had a talk about it.  

I referred to the book One Thousand Gifts a lot.

I explained that when we make the choice to give thanks in a circumstance that we would ordinarily complain about, the Lord gives us His peace and it fills us with joy.

So we brainstormed a verbal list of what we could be thankful for in the very things she was complaining about.

"Thank you Lord that we have good doctors to take care of us when we are sick"...I pointed out to her how many people across our world don't have doctors...and I asked her what she thought happened to many of them when they got sick...she answered correctly...they die.  Suddenly, being thankful for our doctors became a real thing in her heart.

Then, the next time we have to go to the pharmacy (another thing she complains about because we go way too often), we came up with "Thank you Lord for the medicines that make us feel better...because without them, my mom, dad, and brother would not be here and I would feel horribly."

We went on and on...it was good.  

Very good.

So I told her the next time she feels like complaining, she should stop and think of how she could shift her perspective, making it something she can be thankful for instead.

Then I told her before she knows it, her heart will be so full of thankfulness that the bitterness and complaining wouldn't fit in her heart anymore.

She loved that idea.  

I told her to start by writing 3 gifts every night before bed into her journal.

When I tucked her into bed last night, guess what I found her doing!

Writing her gift list...but instead of 3, she came up with 16 quickly and freely...it just flowed from her heart onto her paper.

My heart swelled.

Today is a new day....I love new days.

A chance to start all over again, a chance to do life better.

And so far, today is a pretty great one.

We all prayed and are holding each other accountable to not giving in to anger....to having calm and gentle voices...to being patient...to being loving.

Praise God for His words.  

For His mercies.  

For His faithfulness. 

For His light. 

For fresh starts....