Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Eucharisteo


I read this on a blog called "A Firm Place" and want so desperstely to embed these God truths in my heart and mind, so I want to write them here.

1. I love you.
2. I am with you.
3. Don't worry about tomorrow, today has enough!
4. It is okay to let go of some relationships.
5. You cannot please everyone, and that is okay.
6. It is okay to let go of your dreams and plans for you life. 
7. A healthy child is not a sign of my favor as an unhealthy child is not a sign of my displeasure.
8. Relax, when things are stressful and kids are screaming and shoes are flying...breathe and stay calm......perhaps even laugh!!
9. Those who are in need are the ones who get to experience my provision.
10. There are seasons when it is okay to "sit out." Seasons when taking a break is okay.

I can't think of any words that will speak those truths better. 

They take a heavy weight off my soul.

A soul who tries with all her might to live the way the Lord wants her too but fails miserably sometimes because she forgets to keep her eyes on Him in quick fleeting moments.

It only takes a minute to mess things up when your eyes are suddenly on yourself. 

I recognize that I will never be perfect on this side of heaven, and that the Holy Spirit of Jesus that lives in my heart always will be, but unfortunately, krazy glue for the eyes and heart don't exist!

What does exist is His whispering in my heart, His Word, my will towards Him, my prayers, and your prayers for us--I am thankful for having that. 

Thankful that when I realize that when my gaze is not zeroed in on Him, all I have to do is shift it.

And knowing that makes me thankful for our hardships.

Yes, you read that right.

No, I am not excited that my husband has a brain injury, or that my son has two life-threatening conditions and appears to maybe have a mitochondrial disease on top of it, or that my daughter has more mild but nevertheless persistent and chronic medical conditions, or that I walk with a cane and sometimes still fall, get weekly IV's, still have painful bone marrow and muscle biopsies to get done, need to ask my family to pick things up for me or to get things for me because sometimes expelling the energy to get up isn't worth it, and probably have mastocytosis AND mitochondrial disease (or something related).

And I don't love that between all of us, we have more doctors and prescriptions than I can count (I have officially lost count at 56)....or that we can't leave the house more than once or twice a week without getting sick, and that because of that we rarely are well enough to make it to church on Sunday morning..... 

And I am not crazy about some of the ways these things have shaped our lives, the way they affect us, and that in some ways they interfere with friendships we value.

I don't like any of that.

But I still give thanks.

Why? 

Because of His Grace. 

While we have all these really hard not "normal" things to deal with on a daily basis, 
His grace has always been and will always be sufficient for us.

For me.

For my kids.

For my husband.

And for you, if you know and trust Him.

He provides the medications, He provides the food, He provides the money to get all of it, He provides a church family who supports us in ways that boggle our mind, He provides us with a home to live in with a yard--a dream we always had but never thought we would get.

And even though I had to give up full-time teaching, He gave me full-time homeschooling and helped me discover a passion for design and photography that I didn't even know I had. A passion that helps us earn much needed money WHILE I am sick and WHILE I stay home and homeschool my children (still getting to teach!).

He provided unspeakable, unbelievable healing in my husband, and provided him with a job he is AWESOME at. One that provides for us, one that He is able to work hard at and feel good about at the end of each day.

He provides us with SO much....so many big things and so many little things...little things that we don't need but desperately want...and big things that our lives depend on.

He provided Gavin with his life-saving medication when it was on nation-wide backorder through lovely blog readers such as yourselves and facebook friends all over the country without any cost to us.

He blessed us with this technology--with my awesome computer---and everything I need to design---the internet---this blog---my awesome readers---this way of communicating with the outside world--and it's often times the only way those that are "Homebound" due to illness can communicate with the outside world. 

You see He has given us--provided for us--blessed us with--SO MANY things because of these hardships...IN the hardships...things we wouldn't know of if they never occurred.

He strengthened our faith in it, my marriage in it, our relationship with our kids in it--with a strength that wouldn't exist if it hadn't been refined by fire for so many years.

So I give thanks.

And as I learned from Ann Voskamp's One Thousand Gifts

When we receive His grace--his gifts to us--His undeserved favor on us--and then we give thanks-
He fills us with His JOY.

Eucharisteo.



And I Choose His Joy in every moment of everyday.

I am so thankful that I can.

1 comment:

carissa at lowercase letters said...

i'm glad you enjoyed Julie's blog! : ) she is very wise and inspiring. i love this post... God's grace is so lavishing!