Thursday, July 14, 2011

Never Fails

I have been discouraged and tired and frustrated.
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These pictures have nothing to do with what I am writing about, but I am posting them because
they breathe peace into my soul
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And I need a lot of that right now.

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I have been having more masto flare-ups lately and to be frank, it depresses me.  I hate missing out on important FUN things because I get sick so easily. 

It's incredibly humbling and well...depressing
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And without re-hashing all of it--I will just say my HMO network is making my life so difficult--on purpose-- and it makes me feel like I am in handcuffs because without them, I can't see anyone.

So my PCP came to my resuce and they are working with the network to find me a masto doctor.

But because I feel on the brink of losing hope this morning,

{and know that as a Christian, I never need lose hope}

I turned open the pages of my Bible.
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I read today's Jesus Calling devotional page, and read Psalsm 37 because it references to that.  After reading everything it had to say, all I could think was "My Savior never ceases to amaze me".

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I have felt so distant from Him lately, and know that it's because I've moved away from Him and not the other way around.

And even though I have been stubborn and emotional about the whole thing, He still patiently waits for Me to move back.

Do you ever feel like there is a wall sitting between you and Him that you can't move away? 

That's where I've been lately and I hate that, mostly because I know that unconsiously

I am the one who put it there.

So instead of being mad that He hasn't fixed all this for me

I concluded that somewhere along this bruised and battered road that I am limping down
I stopped going to Him for help.

Perhaps because I felt I could do a better job at my life than He was.

Wrong.

Always, sadly, wrong.

So today's devotional entry said (I bolded what spoke to me the loudest):

"Keep walking with Me along the path that I have chosen for you.  Your desire to live close to Me is a delight to my Heart,  I could instantly grant you the spiritual riches you desire, but that is not My way for you.  Together we will forge a pathway up the high mountainThe journey is arduous at times, and you are weak.  Someday you will dance light-footed on the high peaks; but for now, your walk is often plodding and heavy.  All I require of you is to take the next step, clinging to My Hand for strength and direction.  Though the path is difficult and scenery dull at the moment, there are sparkling surprises just around the bend.  Stay on the path I have selected for you.  It is truly the path of life."

It refered to Psalm 37 and after reading it,

I felt so grateful that my Savior has been here waiting for me all along.
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Psalm 37:1-9 says:

Do not fret because of those who are evil
or be envious of those who do wrong;
for like the grass they will soon wither,
like green plants they will soon die away.

Trust in the LORD and do good;
dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.

Take delight in the LORD,
and he will give you the desires of your heart.

Commit your way to the LORD;
trust in him and he will do this:
He will make your righteous reward shine like the dawn,
your vindication like the noonday sun.

Be still before the LORD
and wait patiently for him;
do not fret when people succeed in their ways,
when they carry out their wicked schemes.

Refrain from anger and turn from wrath;
do not fret—it leads only to evil.  
For those who are evil will be destroyed,
but those who hope in the LORD will inherit the land......

 18 The blameless spend their days under the LORD’s care,
and their inheritance will endure forever.
19 In times of disaster they will not wither;
in days of famine they will enjoy plenty....

23 The LORD makes firm the steps
of the one who delights in him;
24 though he may stumble, he will not fall,
for the LORD upholds him with his hand......

39 The salvation of the righteous comes from the LORD;
he is their stronghold in time of trouble.
40 The LORD helps them and delivers them;
he delivers them from the wicked and saves them,
because they take refuge in him.
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And guess what happened after reading all of this?

Besides feeling the wall between my Savior and I crumble away and the warmth return to my weary laddened heart,

I got a call from  TWO allergists--in network--who personally called me themselves--and who both are willing to treat me and my mastocytosis--sticking to the way I have been treated for years now.

They are even open to the IV fluids even though it is experimental as long as they speak to Dr. Chin--and I want to be excited. 

But because this has happened already and then went horribly wrong, I will reserve my excitement until I actually see one in their office and actually see what they say take place--but I won't reserve my praises toward my God.

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Psalm 18:6
But in my distress I cried out to the LORD; yes, I prayed to my God for help. He heard me from his sanctuary; my cry to him reached his ears.
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I praise You Father for your love NEVER FAILS....

4 comments:

  1. Oh Carla, this post speaks to me so strongly today. You know that I've been battling my own health problems this week and I really needed to hear the words you spoke. Thank you for using your blog to share your own struggles and how the Lord sees you through them. I love you, my sweet bloggy friend! I'm praying for you today, as always.

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  2. AMEN! He deserves praise no matter what!!!

    :) Your post reminded me of a quote I just heard, "I tried everything. I even went to THE BIBLE!" Why do we always act like that's a last resort?

    Well, maybe you don't...ahem. But someone I know does.

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  3. Hoping you are feeling better soon.
    Thank you for all your hard work on my blog, it looks great!
    Molly :)

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  4. This is where I am right now... clinging and wondering when things will get better. Thank you for those verses... I needed them!

    Thankful that He is still working in our lives, even when we can't see the result yet!

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